What do you do when you realize that the very fire that burned you and left an arctic cold in your heart, is the only fire that warms your world like no other. He is that fire. The Fire that unleashes a thousand butterflies within your soul, all of them tickling your world with joy. The Fire, when at it’s best brings a nurturing warmth in any season, it is never too hot, but always just what you need. The Fire that dances with desire but is contained enough to still hold the mystery of the ecstasy that it holds….. hmmm. Wisdom tells you not to go there again, to stay within the safety of the shallows, to stay among the embers of what might have been. But the heart, the heart is urging you to go, run wild and free into the depths of his flames, because you yourself are The Fire that he fled from and the only reason why you felt burned was because you did not realize the intensity of your own flames.
King James Bible Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
The scripture says findeth a “wife”, it did not say, he that findeth the woman who will become his wife, she is already a wife. Wow….so what does this mean? This means that if you desire to be married and are faithfully praying for a husband then you should already be a wife. Now, this does not mean that you go down to the local Wal-Mart and find yourself a pretty little lacey thing to put on for your boo. I most certainly do not mean that! Sex is certainly a wonderful and sacred part of marriage but what you have to remember is that after the honeymoon, after you kiss each other good morning and start out on a new day, there are bills to pay, cars to maintain, schedules to coincide, there are considerations for each other that may be an inconvenience to you, yep, you just may have to sacrifice! Okay, it is great to be able to throw down in the bedroom and have him crave you like an afternoon snack, but you have to be wife MINDED too!!!
Every marriage is like a fingerprint. It is different and unique in it’s own way. Sometimes in a marriage the roles are reversed and some marriages are still very traditional. There is nothing wrong with either as long as you and your spouse both agree. It doesn’t hurt now to start thinking about what type of wife you want to be. Then you can eventually couple that with the expectations of your husband when you get married. The bottom line is that you need to bring something to the table, more than some hips and thighs. After all you can’t spend your lives butt naked in the bedroom getting busy 24/7! smh….
So what is already being a bride about? For example, a nursing student goes through four years of nursing school, but they are not technically considered a practicing nurse until they have taken their Boards and passed all sorts of tests and certifications. The college would not stick a student in a hospital room to care for a patient with out having prepared then to do so. Same goes for you, the unmarried wife, God is allowing you this time of singleness to prepare. Don’t use this time to sulk about being single or to make poor decisions in dating that will affect you down the line. Now is the time to gather or fine tune your skill sets, and to become the best possible version of you before walking down that aisle.
We are going to dive into this some more, but here are some questions that you need to ask yourself for now:
-Physically – What are you doing physically to be ready for your husband? Are you comfortable with your body?
-What is your skill set outside of the bedroom? Okay great… you can drop it down and bring it back up , but like I said earlier unfortunately the hours spent in the bedroom are limited and then you still have to sneak in some time to sleep.
-Can you prepare a decent home cooked meal? Manage the bills?
-Can you sew a button on or tie a tie?
-Do you know how to clean a home? I am not talking about throwing stuff in a back room. I am talking about cleaning and organizing so that the two of you can live comfortably and find things.
-Do you know how to maintain a home? Cut grass, manage repairs, etc. I am not saying that you have to but if you had to at any point… could you?
-Spiritually speaking, are praying for your husband now, even before you come together? Are you praying that he is allowing God to keep him and prepare him for you? Could you pray him through and be a support to him in the rough times?
-Are you prepared to be an emotional support to you husband?
-Do you have hobbies? Do you participate in groups or activities that will enrich you outside of spending time with your spouse?
The list could go on and on.
Shhhh…. I hear wedding bells in the distance, but now is the time to prepare.
A very wise friend once told me that when a man wants a woman she will know. I completely agree. Even if a man tells you that he wants you in his world, if his actions do not line up with what he is saying then step off and back up from dealing with him. Do not leave yourself on an emotional hook to wonder where he stands or how he feels….. his relentless pursuit of you and how he cares for you will cast away every one of your doubts and eventually as he surrounds your world by the warmth of his fire….you can slowly exhale.
I was in the elevator today with a woman who was talking on the phone. She said, “Honey, I am not wearing green. Are you going to pinch my booty?” My ears perked up to listen more intently. She continued talking and giggling at the same time, “We are going to do what? Oh, baby, I know exactly where your leprechaun is, I will see you at six, love you”.By then I was smiling from ear to ear and I glanced over at her. She looked at me, blushed and said, “My husband…..” and she just beams this huge smile and dashes off the elevator.
It is so odd when you arrive at the point when you realize that you don’t have any more tears or emotions to offer a situation. You stand at the junction when one way is keep trying and to the right is a junction to let things go. My heart, my emotions, and the passion that I have for those I love are the best gifts within me and when those are gone….let them be gone too otherwise I am half stepping on love and that just isn’t me. Reciprocation counts for a lot, and when you don’t have that it turns into a hunt and chase, but you are not a cat or a mouse. Just let it go. Taking a right and driving on…….
I recently saw on Facebook a video of a wedding that took forever. Just the march alone could have been 20, 30 minutes. The groom walked down the aisle to his song, swaying and bopping to the beat. Then, the groomsmen joined in the soul train groove and danced and rocked their way down the aisle. After that the rest of the groomsmen and bridesmaids, pair by pair, waltz, rocked, swayed, two-stepped, gangsta leaned down the aisle. Just when I thought, that surely the bride would be next, nope…..still dancing this thing out.
First, I am glad to see that they were getting married. That in it’s self seems to be something of the past these days. At the same time, it is my sincere hope that they put as much into making their marriage a healthy and successful union as they did with the act of getting married.
I have toggled over the years with what type of wedding I would like to have. Of course, 50% of that answers depends on my groom. After seeing this wedding, I would gladly take a simple, very meaningful candlelit ceremony and an elegant dinner for family and close friends after our vows of love and devotion and then off to the honeymoooooooon, oh yes!!!! woo hoo….okay I will calm down. Simma, simma down now.
With that, I am sure that I could go back to the video, right where I left off, watch it for a few more minutes and still, never see…..the bride. Good Gracious!!!! lol
To each his own though. Every wedding, every relationship is like a fingerprint, no two are the same but all should bear the mark of genuine love and devotion.
Peacefully single, but looking forward to that special day.
All of the hoopla over Valentine’s Day reminds me of why I don’t really like it. Don’t get me wrong though, I would not turn down flowers or candy…lol. A friend told me just a few days ago that I love too hard. ..well maybe I do, because I think that when you love someone Valentine’s Day should be everyday. Valentine’s Day is on Monday when I ask you how I can help you during the week with tasks or honey-dos. Valentine’s Day is Tuesday when I leave a love note in your briefcase. It is on Wednesday when I cook you a big weekend style breakfast before you head off to work,. Valentine’s Day is Thursday when I have the shower running hot and your favorite 100% cotton T and bottoms laid out for you on the bed. Valentine’s Day is on Friday when I massage your shoulders after a hard days work. Valentine’s Day is on Saturday when we go our separate ways to run errands and visit with friends but make plans for a romantic Saturday evening together. Valentine’s Day is on Sunday when we serve the Lord in worship service together.
One day a year is not good enough to express an everyday kind of love. And, sometimes it is not the stuff, but rather the things are done to say, I support you, I am here, I love you….
I was listening to all of the Valentine’s Day stories and messages on the way into work this morning. Some were sad, some were absolutely laughable, and others made me wonder does that kind of love really exist outside of a radio call-in show. Somehow my mind wondered down the path of my absolute worst Valentine’s Day….ever. Did I say, ever? I mean, ever. Okay, okay you get the point. Back when I was in my early twenties I was dating a guy who I thought was the end all be all to what I could ever want in a man. Oh my living Jesus….to be young and dumb. Anyway, it was Valentine’s Day and he thought that he would do something special for me by treating me to a day in the city. It was to be a day of shopping, dining, and spending quality time together, or so I thought. He was a jerk the entire day. He had the attitude like he had to spend the day with me. I did not ask him for this, it was his idea!!! He was nice, then he was a jerk, then he was dismissive, then he was sweet again. A roller coaster of emotions that quite honestly was making me sick. As the day the went by, I really just wanted to be home, away from him. On our way back from the city it was a quiet ride until he started pressuring me to stay the night with him. He knew from the start that sex was not going to be a component in our relationship, but there he went with his sweet nothings telling me how he could make me feel. Long story short on that, the evening ended up with him dropping me off at home, he called me later to tell me that he tore up my Valentine card and gave my gift to a neighbor and then hung up on me, and to add to the compounding lists of insults… to top the evening off real right, he called me again even later in the evening and informed me that he was at the nudie bar. With that, it was my turn to hang up the phone and I peacefully went to sleep knowing that this man was crazy. It was months before we talked again and by that time he was living with someone.
I know it sounds odd considering how our relationship ended, I loved that man, I mean I really loved him at one point, but something never really set quite right when we were together, but the heart wants what it wants. When times were good, they were really good, but the bad times became increasingly bad, frequent, and thus the Valentine Day fiasco, ended it all. I was always too much of this and not enough of that. In hindsight, he was so busy trying to mold me that he never really took the time to get to know who I was and I was too busy trying to show him who I was and overlooked the fact that he didn’t even care.
As I flashed back to that time in my life, now I can only identify why this did not work out as God’s protection over me and I thank Him for that unanswered prayer.
It is Valentine’s Day, I have no Valentine, no one sent me flowers or candies… BUT, my good friend – I have a grateful and peaceful heart and faith in God that He has my earthly love in mind and he is preparing us both for each other.
Do you know what I like about this video from President and First Lady Obama? I like the fact that he called Michelle Obama is best friend. I love it! How blessed is she to have a man who realizes the importance of having his wife as his best friend.
We live in a world where men are married, but having another woman deemed as his best friend – this has always seemed a little off to me. I mean come on….if I have committed to loving you and building our lives together, shouldn’t I be your best friend as a woman. Don’t get me wrong, it is important for the man in my life to have friends and even another best friend…if he is a man. I can think of no woman, who would be satisfied with another woman having influence over her man and her household. I can think of no woman, who would be pleased with her husband needing to talk to his best friend so he calls Susie for advice on his life, but you are the one living life with him….oh heck naw. This has nothing to do with insecurities or jealously, but has everything to do with boundaries. I am sure that Susie would tell you that there is no harm in her being your husband’s best friend, but at the same time would never tolerate her man having a female best friend. This is a real issue, one that needs to be discussed early on in a relationship. You would think that this would be the natural gravity in the course of dating and growing to love someone but that is not always the case, it is worth knowing,
