Careful What You Reach For

You stub your toe on a table leg, you bend over to rub your toe and you smack your head on the table, you stumble round to gather your senses and you reach to sturdy yourself on the stove only to burn your hand…..this could go on and on. The moral of this story is to be careful what you reach for when you are hurting.

Hurt, of any kind, has a way of causing you to view the world, situations, relationships, and circumstances completely different than you would if you were not hurt. A lot of times when we are hurt we reach out to things and people only to realize that those things and people will only merely compound the hurt that you are going through. Hurt people reach out to food, drugs, they make decisions that will cause setbacks, they engage with people that they normally would keep at an arms distance, they search for love in all the wrong places, they mistake someone’s “like” for “love”, which then ends up with more hurt. Ugh – the cycle can continue and compound forever, but it can stop.

Years ago I was getting up from the floor and my sneaker hit my pinky finger and ripped my nail completely off…..ya hear me, I said completely off!!!! I immediately felt the most horrible pain all over my body. My pinky finger, my hand, and arm went ice cold and I was frozen with pain. I couldn’t move. My mouth was wide open, but nothing came out. Frozen. Literally minutes later my body relaxed a bit, heat returned to my finger, hand and arm, and I was left with this horrible pounding dull ache in my finger. I was finally able to move, assess the damage and started first aid which was a whole other level of agony, but I made it through.

I love what my body did to keep me from hurting myself even more, it froze. A lot of times when people suffer hurts, especially in the heart, they start moving almost immediately. They start seeking love again, they start dating again and really they just need to chill out for a minute… they need to freeze and take a moment to be okay, assess the damage, heal the hurt and then start moving again, then you can “reach” for something new and you will be reaching from a healthy place.

At the Core of Love is ……Protection

I was driving on a short road trip not long ago and was flipping through the channels and listening to various stations. I noticed that almost every song that I heard had something to do with relationships, a broken heart, or feelings for someone. Oh, how I love a good love song!

Walks in the park, holding hands, those butterflies that flutter in your chest when you think of that special someone, falling asleep on late night phone calls when neither one of you want to hang up, texting a good morning hoping to brighten a day before the sun even rises, are all part of showing love to someone, but there is much more and I am so delighted and blessed to have come to the understanding of what is at the core of love….and that is protection.

Love protects.

I had someone ask me, how do you know you love someone or how do you know someone loves you? Love can mean a lot of things to a lot of different people, one thing that love always does is protect.

How does love protect?

Love protects physically.

Love protects mentally and emotionally.

Love protects financially. Don’t use someone as a bank or don’t rack up a bunch of bills that will affect the person that you love.

The greatest revelation that I recently received is that love protects spiritually. If someone says that they care about you or that they love you, this means that they care and love what you say you stand for and they will do whatever they can to help you to not compromise what is spiritually important to you. For couples this may involve putting your own desires on the back burner and not pressuring the person that you say care about or love. For someone to say that they want to be sexual with you, but that they respect you enough to wait, that they will not put you in a place where you may compromise, that they love you beyond any pleasures that you can give each other in a moment…..that is love at its finest.

Love is wide and varied, but it always protects who you are. Everyone wants to be loved, but love starts at home in the mirror. At the end of the day we all stand in that mirror and deal with the decisions that we have made in life. Love will not leave you feeling stripped and compromised. Love will leave you standing in that mirror feeling solid, whole and true to yourself.

The next time you feel those butterflies, those lovely butterflies that we all long to feel???? Come back down to Earth a bit and remember that protection and all that entails is at the core of love.

Make Love Stay

This post was originally posted on November 15, 2015. Today is Valentine’s Day and I can’t think of a better post about love.

I sat and watched a wedding from my office window this weekend. It was not a large wedding with tons of decorations, people, or flowers, but rather very quaint and intimate with just a small group of witnesses and the bridal party.  Slowly the wedding party marched together and  joined the groom at the front.  Then he waited, his eyes focused toward the distance looking intently for his bride.  I started to get nervous for this groom…. where is the bride?  But….he waited patiently, he waited peacefully….he waited and waited.

Then finally she came out and came forth and stood at the end of the aisle.  I could almost feel the energy that was connecting them.  It was truly indeed a beautiful moment, when I saw him exhale and smile one of the biggest loving smiles I could ever long to see for myself.  Before she moved a long wispy curl fell down and a lady rushed right to her side and pinned it up.  Now…..she is ready!

As I watched this bride, take each careful step toward her groom, toward her good morning, toward her goodnight, toward her I love you, toward her forever earthly love – I pondered…….

I sat there and watched this union solidify before God and man.  I continued to watch as they walked arm and arm after the ceremony across a windswept field so close and in tune with one another… and I began to hum the song that Dan Fogelberg sang so beautifully called, Make Love Stay.

How will they make love stay? Will he always be so patient in waiting for her as he did today?  Will the corners of his mouth turn up to the smile that he smiled when he first saw his bride at the end of the aisle?  Will she always  take the time to look her best for him….pinning up that fallen strand?

If we could capture every moment, thought, feelings… if we could bottle the love and hope for forever that is expressed and felt on the wedding day…there would be no question on how to make love stay.  Since there is no bottle labeled “Wedding Day”, then marriage will hopefully be a masterful journey of love, evolving love, forgiveness, hope, understanding, joy, memories, support… that is how you make love stay.

Make Love Stay Lyrics by Dane Fogelberg:

Now that we love
Now that the lonely nights are over
How do we make love stay?
Now that we know
The fire can burn bright or merely smolder
How do we keep it from dying away?