I watched a Dr. Phil episode about a woman who wanted to kill her parents and her brother. As I sat and watched this episode I realized that this woman was not mentally ill, but rather she hated herself and projected that onto her family by making herself a victim, a victim not of what her family did, but a victim of who they were and who she wanted to be.
Her family was surprised to find out that she even felt the way that she did. They had no idea that she hated them and wanted them dead, but this is not an uncommon thing. We know people in our everyday lives that feel the same way about us. It is sad to discover that someone who should be in your corner and loving you, secretly champions your demise.
What that woman needs to know is that regardless of who she wanted to kill or see dead, it still would not change that she was still her. Perhaps she thought that in getting rid of her objects of hate, that she would eventually feel better about herself, but of course that is not the case. You can wish for someone’s demise but even after they are gone, it still doesn’t change who you are, the things you have done, what you look like, where you have been, none of that changes; you are still looking at the person that you hate the most in the mirror and that is …..you.
So this woman brought her family on national TV to tell the world how horrible her family was to her, but her family was just kind of shocked and asking each other what did they do. Turns out they really didn’t do anything. If Dr. Phil not had rightfully divided what this woman was saying, the TV audience would have been left thinking that her family was horrible wretched people. When people can’t physically kill you, they will destroy how people view you, how they regard you, they will attempt to kill your character with the subtleties of their conversations in an effort to make themselves appear to be “good”. When someone can’t physically kill you they will interfere with your life in everyway possible, they will interfere with relationships, they will take your weakness (past or present) and magnify it in a way that when they spread their hate about you, they will bring it up…well you know how she is. I have someone that hangs on the old me, the fiery me, the tell you off in a hot minute me, and all that was me….several years ago. It is funny how the people who refuse to confront their past are the same ones who will not let you forget yours.
How do you handle people like this? Distance helps and limited communication helps. Yes, some people no matter how much you would like to have them in your life, are just not safe. Their assignment is to get you off your track, therefore you have to make a conscious effort to remain true to who you are now, not who they want everyone to believe you still are. Staying true to yourself is really the key, because it is only who you show yourself to be at this point that will dispel anything that is said about you in the shadows.
At the end of the day, until someone learns to love themselves and not only who they are, but also come to terms with where they have been and the things they have done, they will never be at peace with themselves. This means that they will not be at peace with a lot of people, especially those who remind them of what they are not or what they think they should be. They will always feel shorted and instead of becoming the best possible versions of themselves, they destroy the objects of their jealously and hate. What can you do? Keep your distance, love them at a distance and pray. You don’t have to keep giving people like this access to your life, they only want to get close enough to you to learn how to destroy it. Believe me , I have lived with this for my whole life and I just can’t do this anymore, I am backing away much like I would from an attacking animal. It is necessary and a darn shame all at the same time.