Several years back my mother took ill and was in the hospital for a while. Her hospital room was bombarded by people that haven’t seen her or bothered with her in years. A group of about 10 -12 people stopped by after a funeral. I entered my mom’s hospital room to see people who my mom had been missing and trying to reach for the past few years with no return and now they show up? A few of those people, one in particular, was angry with my mom for not going to a funeral. My mom’s sister, her last sibling, passed away a few years before and she was angry with my mom for not going to the funeral. It was my mom’s right to determine what she could handle, not anyone else’s. It was told to me that this person was at the repass discussing how my mom would have to live with the fact that she did not go to her own sister’s funeral and after that she did not talk to my mom until visiting her at the hospital. Needless to say I was angry. It did not help that I had siblings who never even liked that side of the family or me, but was now siding in with them and playing the part of the “peacemaker”. The bonds that are formed out of dislike and hatred are truly and indeed strange.
After the group left, my mom became sick to her stomach and later said that it was good to see everyone, but that it was just too much right now. With that, I restricted visitors but then immediately was accused of keeping the family away from my mom. Okay…. so the people who didn’t bother with her, never called her, was angry with her for not going to her sister’s funeral and never called her, are now accusing me of keeping them away from her? They kept their own selves away from her. My only goal was getting my mom well. I was not interested in appeasing their guilty consciences for how they treated her.
It is funny how we as a society have mastered the art of saying good bye to someone, but we can’t help them live. We can show up at a funeral, but can’t we show up in everyday life for those that we say we care about. Even after my mom became better, it went right back to no one calling her or paying her any mind, the only problem was that I was still being blamed for what they did not care to do.
Hospitals and funerals are no place for family reunions. We have a responsibility to help people thrive each day. Don’t sit around and wait to say goodbye to someone, help them live!!!!